The Year of I am.

Today I am remembering some of the Big Moments of this year.

Like the day I stepped off the plane in Nairobi as if right into the skin I’ve always had and realized:

1. I am African.

I came home to myself in Kenya this year. I was both welcomed and sent off with words that affirmed my identity: “Oh, so you are an African!”

Yes, yes, I am. I can now say it confidently, proudly and with so much gratitude.

Then this morning Reggie Nel, a South African tweep I’ve never actually met in real life, but is a brother and friend, tweeted this:

“When I say Africa for African I mean those, of any colour, who accept Africa as home. Colour does not mean anything to me.” –Robert Sobukwe

I know this: I may not live in Africa now, but Africa will always live in me.

If you’d like to read more about my big African moment, here are three posts I wrote about it:

2. I am Canadian.

Then there’s the fact that I am an immigrant, Canadian and married into a wonderful blended family. One of the most joyous and significant moments of my year, was the day I spent with Grandma Linda (then 97).

Last Christmas we’d bought her tickets to go see the Women’s Curling at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. We had a date.

On that Tuesday we almost ran out of gas and I had the hardest time finding parking close to the venue. But Grandma wore Canadian red and we laughed our way through the day. In the end we sat an arm’s length away from the Canadian women’s team.

I soaked up Grandmas’s stories of curling with frozen jam cans when she was a teenager in The Pas, Northern Manitoba. She patiently informed me on the nuances of curling. We shared a hot dog and orange juice and we still talk about that day. I won’t forget it.

Grandma is one of the reasons I am so thankful to be Canadian.

3. I am … is enough.

This moment came early in the year. I think I tweeted it. More importantly, I heard the words: “You are enough” and cemented them in my soul. Knowing this–and believing this–go hand in hand with understanding where I stand, Whose I am. Knowing that I am rooted and established in Love.

I can’t hear this enough.

(Now, looking at this Halloween picture again, I might have to agree that I’m not only enough, but probably plenty.)

What’s next? Tomorrow I’d love to share a list of some of the Big Little Moments of the past year. I hope you’ll check back and tell me some of yours too.

On leaving a comment: You might not know this, but when you leave a comment, it’s like you’d just baked me a fresh cupcake, pulled an organic carrot from your own garden, or handed me a latte. Words mean a whole lot to me. They might even mean more than an iPad. (You get the picture.) So, thanks for connecting with your words and presence.

Kindred Spirit: While working on this post today, doing my best to stay somewhat focused through the tugs and calls of motherhood, I noticed a tweet by Sarah Bessey, aka @EmergingMummy. I read her post and I’m so glad I did. I think we’re tuned into the same Frequency. Do yourself a New Year’s favour and check it out.

Three Deep Desires for a New Year

This morning I am thinking through what I desire deeply for this new year that lies ahead. Praying. Asking. Planning. Wonder-ing.

I love fresh beginnings and I love that in North America I get TWO fresh beginnings annually: one in January with a new calendar year, and one in September, when school starts. In South Africa, where I grew up, there was one chance to start over. The new school year began in January and stretched through December. (It still does.) As a kid, the year seemed long.

Here, in Canada, I get to think through a fresh start twice a year and somehow it makes 365 days seem less daunting. It feels like there’s more room for Grace … more chances. I feel like the year says: It’s going to be okay.

Here are Three of my Deep Desires for this fresh year:

1. Intention:

  • Revamping this blog and focusing it around the destiny I was born for: standing at the Walls that separate us from each other, our stories, our purpose, justice.
  • Watering SheLoves magazine.com : the world I long to see (when the Walls come down); stories of Love that quietly, powerfully and beautifully transform ourselves and our world.
  • Keeping a list of the books I’m reading.
  • More poetry.

2. Togetherness.

With myself & God: quiet early mornings, yoga practice

Family: dates, playtime.

Others: space for old friends, new friends, new ideas, ancient ideas.

3. Expression

Asking/finding/organizing help, so I can give attention to the above.

Expressing what I learn, think, wonder, hope, pray. Also expressing the parts I am not so sure and clear about. Being more willing to be vulnerable. Being more open with my flaws and gaps and my own humanity. Taking the risk to be misunderstood and rejected. Doing it anyway. Repeating to self that being too much is … glorious.

Question: What do you think about two fresh starts? What are your deep desires for this new year ahead? What do you hope for in 2011? (What are you afraid of?) What do you look forward to in the new year?

Immersion: In the Sanctuary of Women

“Mary … was a woman immersed in the Word, long before the Word immersed itself in her.” –Jan L. Richardson, In the Sanctuary of Women: A Companion for Reflection & Prayer.

This will be my Christmas reading, thanks to the heads up by Heidi. I love Jan Richardson’s Sacred Journeys and could hardly wait for my copy of her latest.

I look forward to drinking from a deep, deep well.

All I want for Christmas is a brand new world.

In the past 24+ hours, it’s felt like Heaven has been downloading a story to my heart. Background music to this story is Chantal Kreviazuk’s “Invincible” and specifically the words:

I’m not the same old girl, no.
I want a brand new world.

(Can you hear her just belting it out? Love that girl. But, I digress.)

1. The story starts with a post by Mike Todd over on Waving or Drowning called The Theology of the Lottery of Life.

These images are incredibly powerful. Piercing, in fact. There are more. Combined with some crisp, articulate thoughts from Mike. So go read it first, please:

The Theology of the Lottery of Life

2. Ok, now that you’re back; moving on to Phase 2:

My friend and neighbour Alie posted a video on her facebook page last night. It follows the story of Narayanan Krishnan who happens, as I googled him, to be one of CNN’s 2010 Top Ten Heroes. (I can’t find the original video to embed it, so this link will have to suffice. My apologies. Please stay with me … )

Click here to watch the video: Videos Posted by Chennai Expats: Dec 2, 2010 7:40am.

Narayanan talks about the purpose of his life. And I can’t help but think about my own purpose on the earth and then my friend Ellie’s comment this morning: “I didn’t know Jesus was from India.”

3. Follow that with a blogpost by the lovely & candid Laura Parker who lives in Thailand, caring for orphans with her family. She’s raising awareness around the global orphan crisis. Her blogpost is stunning–do yourself a favour and read the whole piece:

We were wrong {The Orphan Crisis}

Two parts grip me:

a. Two years ago a church in Texas ran a full-page ad in The Dallas Morning News with a public apology:

We Were Wrong

We followed trends when we should have followed Jesus.
We told others how to live but did not listen ourselves.
We live in the land of plenty, denying ourselves nothing,
while ignoring our neighbors who actually have nothing.
We sat on the sidelines doing nothing while AIDS ravaged Africa.
We were wrong; we’re sorry.
Please forgive us.”

Wow. I can’t tell you how much this makes me want to cry and sing at the same time.

b. Laura then relates this exercise in missing the point to the orphan crisis and our indifference now. The video that nails it, making me shake at my core, then is this:

That’s my Hudson … Or: That’s my Shay. That’s my Daniel. That’s my Caleb. That’s my Adam. [Insert the name of your own child.]

Now, I ask you … What do I do with this, the pile of Christmas presents on the floor, the sick feeling in my stomach and the question in my heart: What if we are living the completely wrong Love story?

I’m not the same girl, no.
I want a brand new world.

A Powerful Question for God

I shared something–a question I learned from a friend–that feeds my soul over on sheloves magazine.com today:

A good friend told me how her daughter’s Kindergarten teacher is instilling an intimate prayer life in her young students. The teacher gave each student a heart balloon, set in paper feet with the words, “How did I bring You joy today?” It’s a special prayer they get to ask Jesus every day.

Read the rest here: SheLoves Magazine.

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