globalgirl Advent Adventure, day 18: I am Enough.

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I am enough
by Tina Francis

Let me preface this by saying, I am not crazy. I am not a wimp. I am not (too) dramatic. But there is something about Christmas that makes me a basket case. Sure, I love Pumpkin Spiced Lattes and food-induced comas as much as the next person. But more than that, Christmas has always had a way of completely unraveling me. It’s a time of year when I laugh hard and cry even harder. It’s a season where my emotions rise to the surface and explode like a dam bursting at the seams.

And I am … raw.

I have had all kinds of Christmases: After moving to Canada, after a boy broke my heart, after my grandfather passed away, after losing my job, after graduating, etc. Most of those sound pretty depressing. And yes, at the time, they nearly destroyed me. They say your twenties are tumultuous. I don’t know who “they” are. But for the last couple of years, Christmas has been a time where the areas I fall short in have come screaming to the surface.

Christmas hasn’t been all apple ciders and ripping open presents.Sometimes it has been keeling over the bathroom sink, sobbing silently, and putting on a brave face before I join in the festivities.

And this year has been no exception, like clockwork, the waterworks are here on schedule. This morning I stumbled upon a song. I’d like to think that the song found me. Because it was exactly what I needed to hear. Listen to the song here.

Here is a part of the song that really jumped out at me:

Think of every town you’ve lived in
Every room you lay your head
What is it that you remember?

Do you carry every sadness with you?
Every hour your heart was broken…
Every night the fear and darkness…
Lay down with you …

As I listened to the lyrics. I had a flashback of every town I’ve lived in and every room I’ve laid my head in. And soon enough, tears were streaming down my face.

But this year … the tears were coming from a different place.

The tears were not coming from a place of desperation and confusion. The tears were flowing because I could see how God has been strategically working in my life. And I realized that each and every one of those Christmases contributed to the woman I am today. I cried because I saw the pattern of how every year that my heart was broken, He was there. He made me whole again, year after year.

This Christmas I cried tears of joy because I see how all those past Christmases were necessary and crucial to getting me to where I am today. Like Joyce Meyer says, “I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.”

I am not crazy. I am not a wimp. I am not dramatic.

God loved me. He loved the “basket case” in me enough to send His only Son.

I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.

Reflect:

My Word: Enough
Activity: Pay attention to those around you this Christmas. Be sensitive to what they may be carrying this season. You may be the only person that acknowledges their pain at a time when the whole world is too busy to care. 

About Tina, in her own words:
I have an affinity for all that is fresh, spontaneous and creative. I draw tremendous inspiration from my Indian and Middle Eastern roots. I’m a culture-vulture.
Check out Tina’s creative portfolio here.

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