Hungry for my right size


Size? No, I am not talking numbers like 0, 6 or 16. I’m not talking about what I fit into, but rather the perception from which I live.

My journey to freedom (a long walk, indeed), continues to surprise me with Spirit nudges that take me into the deeper realities of my heart and my identity. Last week on the Re:Create cruise (I fully recommend it for next year, by the way)–somewhere between the blue waters of Jamaica and Grand Cayman, I was reading Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere and it triggered a thought: Do I perceive myself as a lioness? And if not, what do I perceive myself as then?

Tiger or ant?

I love word pictures. Best-selling author Laurie Beth Jones introduced me to the idea of word pictures to help understand myself better. Jesus used a lot of word pictures to describe himself, eg. I am the Bread of Life. I am the Living Water. I am the Gate.

So, I often ask God to help me understand myself better through a fresh word picture.

The one I’ve been pondering this year is “tiger.”

When I wondered about my one word for the year, “roar” came pretty easily. But contrary to the Africa in me, I realized it wasn’t a lion’s roar, however. But that of a tiger.

Here’s what I know about tigers: they are beautiful, strong, powerful, strong, gracious in their movements …  and virtually extinct.

In reading the book, I wondered: Do I perceive myself as this lioness or tiger?

I realized immediately that I don’t. So I asked: Jesus, what do I perceive myself as then?

The picture I saw right then was of an ant.

Hard-working, wise and small.

Of course I thought about Proverbs 6:6: Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise!

I tried to picture myself entering a room and realized it was from the perception of ant, not as tiger. Hard-working, determined, a gatherer … but not a tiger.

I have great respect for these little creatures, but an ant is not a tiger and the world is not right when a tiger thinks she’s an ant.

Here’s what I’m asking now:

  • What is keeping me small?
  • When did I start seeing myself as an ant?
  • How do I grow into the tiger I am meant to be?

It was likely a moment. A Lie that slipped in somewhere along the way. So, I will keep you posted as I learn more and as Spirit whispers words of freedom. Here’s the thing: Now that I know I am not an ant, I am determined to live out from my right size.

What about you?


  • What size do you relate to?
  • Is there a creature or picture that comes to mind?
  • Who or what are you called to be?
  • What is keeping you from stepping into your rightful size?

I’d love to hear.



Dear God, thank you for ants and tigers. Thank you that each one of us is created beautifully and uniquely with our own stories, perspectives and size. Help me and all your glorious creatures to become exactly who You intended for us to be. Amen.


Photo credit: Bengal tiger, by Sias van Schalkwyk

  • Kelley

    I ~ I really resonate with you post today. I feel like a bit of a misfit – or ill-fitted for this season of my life. I feel like I am misplaced, that my place or position is off some how. I have felt, a Spirit nudge I imagine – that I am designed to teach. But I live part of my life in a context where my western communication style and language do not serve me well. I have no position / platform to teach when I am stateside. I never did enter the pastorate, even with my M.Div. I am one who delights in preaching, but has no pulpit. I often wonder why these gifts and this context – seem to be misplaced. So when I think of a hunger to fit, it is a hunger for the right context to fit into.

    This is something I’ve struggled for quite a bit in recent years… yikes, years!

    • idelette

      Kelley … your words & transparency really move me … Wow: “I live part of my life in a context where my western communication style and language do not serve me well. I have no position/platform to teach when I am stateside.” I want to just sit with those words … and hold it in the Light. // (Of course, I think it’s just a matter of time when that platform explodes, by the way.) // I’m curious, do you have a word picture for yourself?

      • Kelley

        No word picture.

        • idelette

          Mmm …

          • Kelley

            only picture that comes tonight… a puzzle piece in someone else’s box. I feel like, for now, I am more a piece of Claude’s puzzle than part of a picture of my own design. Make sense? I know our pictures are actually melded together through marriage. But that is the picture that comes – a piece in the wrong box or someone else’s box.

          • idelette

            I get that … That’s pretty powerful. And that’s not an easy calling, even if it’s for a season, my friend. I hear ya …

  • Kim Bruce

    Oh girl! You are SO not an ant in my eyes…except for the ‘wise’ part! You are a beautiful force in this world!

    • idelette

      Hey Kim, thank you … How about you? Do you have a word picture for yourself?

  • Erin Wilson

    Ants are silent… hmmmm.

    • idelette

      Woah, Erin … that insight is huge for me. I’ve been putting kids down and thinking about this. The difference in the sound that comes from their lives is profound. From silence to a roar …

      Thank you for that. #prophetgirl

      • Erin Wilson

        You keep coming to my mind today, Idelette. You know the word I keep thinking is ‘liberation’. And the power of one who has been liberated leading others to freedom. Perhaps this is where some of the disconnect is coming from. Your voice is not liberated for your own sake. Your liberated voice will call out the way of freedom to others. Thinking of MLK’s speech “I have seen the promised land…”.

        (ps. this is a goosebumpy moment. I’m taking note :)

        • idelette

          Liberation. Freedom. Yes, yes, yes! A long walk to freedom it has been, but we’re really getting there. Glimpses of the Promised Land … ahhhh. // Also, getting into blogging again is my way of trying to break through the silence and finding my voice, my roar. What is amazing is to find these voices here right alongside that are blessing me so tremendously as we each share our stories … That for me is true liberation. How our freedom is tied up into each other’s freedom.

          Thank you, Erin. I am tender today … thank you for speaking liberating thoughts.

      • Erin Wilson
        • idelette

          Love it. It astounds me how these were his final public words. His last speech. Yes, I have seen the Promised Land … // btw, I ended up also watching his “I have a Dream speech.” The rhetoric is so stunning.

    • idelette

      Girl, that statement still gets me.

  • idelette

    Lesa, when I was reading your comment it felt like those words went right deep into my spirit … stirring very deeply. I can only speak for me here (I realize you were directing them at Kelley), but those were some very encouraging words for me too. Thank you. I love the picture of the womb and of going through the birth canal … And the words: “You are coming from a place of confinement to a place of release.” I grew up and was shaped in that place of confinement. I once asked God what the opposite of freedom is, for me, and the word that came to mind was “confinement.” So I am taking these words for me too ; ) … thank you!

    • Kelley

      thank you for sharing such an intimate and encouraging word. I agree with Idelette, moving from places of confinement about describes the last few seasons. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing… blessed by your gift tonight.

    • LesaKMelchor

      I knew it was for someone! I had to play the audio tape that I made of him speaking these words (and type really fast) and the dang stereo system tweaked out for about an hour. I KNEW right then that someone needed this word! Praise God!

      From what I’m reading on your webpage, we have SO much in common. I’m on a “Journey to Freedom” – the name of my webpage actually. I wish I would have met you on the cruise. :( I’m sure we would have hit it off. What is odd, now that I’m back from the trip and reading all the posts, I was thinking to myself, “where were these people when I was on that boat?” hahaha
      There was just too much d/l for me to take everything in. I had the time of my life and It sounds like you did, too!

      I look foward to reading your blog and thoughts on a subjust so near and dear to me. Confinement was my word too – I called it a living death!

      You might want to read the piece I wrote about the trip – you might identify with some of it. It’s really long (where do you edit on a trip like that?) I think its called “Finding Purpose – God’s Amazing Blessing”. Don’t laugh at my blog site – just did it when I got back. I realize I have to hire someone to make it look professional. I was told by Alice Sullivan, Gail Hyatt, and numerous other people to start building my platform – ok – its a start! Enjoy

      Much love,


      • idelette

        I was thinking the same thing: How did I NOT get to meet so many people? So glad we get to do it now … I’ve been reading along on your blog, actually. It’s so great that you are writing and blogging and going for it. Love the passion that’s being unleashed.

        Thank you for taking the time to transcribe that word … it’s powerful. Looking forward to continuing the journey of freedom with you.

  • Shelagh Hardern

    Like a little girl in her moms high heels.

    Like David in Sauls armor.

    Knowing what God is asking me to do. Called to something so much bigger than I am. Prepared to stand and fight for him, looking around for a sling and a stone…

    At the end of a day when God’s response has been immediate I dared to ask the question, and so I am faced with my own unpreparedness for the battle before me. I am unarmed, and unprotected.

    And yet I am called.

    • idelette

      This is precious, Shelagh … I am so blessed by your sharing.

      A few thoughts/questions that come to mind:
      Has there been a moment in your life when you were blessed into your adult womanhood? It’s just something I’ve been thinking on and your comment about the girl in her mom’s high heels made me think about that. So, just wondering …

      And: David took Saul’s armor off, right … He realized he had everything he needed to win the battle. He was fully prepared through his experiences of taking care of the sheep and killing a lion.

      I so agree: You ARE called. I also think you have more than you might think you have in your hand and heart (sling and stones)

      Since we’re talking about size, I love how David, seemingly small and inexperienced in the eyes of the people, was strong and perfectly capable in the eyes of God.

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